“When you understand your enemy enough to defeat them, you love them also” (Ender’s Game)
And my enemy is the EGOISM!
Today is NOV 18 2013.
It’s one year from the day which began my most horrible days of my life…. But now it’s over. I overcome it.
Today I’m off.
I went to watch Thor 2 in the morning and dated with Pax in the afternoon.
Thor is still good and muscle-bound. Loki is still sly and passionate. Pax is still… unintelligible and sweet-scented. Haha =))
Uhm, okay stop joking now huh! I had a relax day, totally. No work. No homework. No thinking. No pain.
I just went back to memorial places: old cinema, old streets…. for the last time. I ran through them. I left them behind. I don’t feel pain anymore. I don’t cry any tears. I don’t regret anything. I feel the peace in my mind, really.
One year. A really long time of life, I was fallen, broken, ruined, painful, hurt and disappointed. I tried to stand up then fail and fail many times. But after all, I withdrew my feet from that f*cking sink. And now I can step by step far away that dark shadow of the Past about Him. For sure I can do that and must do that for saving my own life. He has a new life, new woman, new future. I was just his Past. I was just a fade memory. Even I was lost in his mind forever. It’s okay. It’s good for him. I accept all about that. I always wish him happy. And better, he should forget me forever such like I’m trying to do by and by.
One year. I was born once time again. A reborn girl. A new brand. A new V.
I don’t know exactly what I’m thinking now. But, really, I feel peaceful. I will try to accept all of things which happened and will happen to me by the most even & calm attitude I have. Even noone loves me, besides me, eases me and cares me, I must love, respect, beside, ease and care for myself. The harder life is, the more I’m solid and strong. The darker world is, the brighter I shine. Coz I’m unique and deserve to love and to be loved, at least by myself. And, I understand clearly that: no problem can’t be solved, no pain can’t be overcome, no hurt can’t be accepted, nothing can’t be changed, noone can’t be forgotten, nobody can’t be replaceable. It’s true. Absolutely sure.
And now. I don’t wanna talk anymore about this CASE. I PACKAGE it, LOCK it, THROW the key, PUT it AWAY and FORGET it.
I write my New Page, live my New Life and being my New Me, now, here and this moment.
I’m NEW V from this breath.
“And how do I turn back
from where I’ve gone wrong
how do I keep from each tear that falls
and won’t there be someone
to guide me through it all
I’m not gonna fall down
I’m solid and strong
I’m moving on…”